So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
