Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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