You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
