Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
