I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
