UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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