Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Randomize
