I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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