just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
