She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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