Three words: puerto rican gang bang
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
