Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
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sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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