there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I currently don't understand fingers.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
