I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
