she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
