just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
