I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
