i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
We got so high we made milksteak
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You ate ashes out of my bong
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
