So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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