We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
