The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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