clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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