I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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