I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
