I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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