Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My ATM looks so different sober.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
