Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
