You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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