Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
