You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
