if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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