God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
