I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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