Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
