she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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