So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
