This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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