some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
