you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
