My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
