I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
