i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
