So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
