Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
