but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
