Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Randomize
