Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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