I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
