He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Let's paint friendship bongs
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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