I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.