the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
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Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
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I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!