gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
