My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter