woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
