Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed