My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
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Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
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Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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