There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
