y did u give ur computer a hand job?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
