Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
