did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
