OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
