**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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