He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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