Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
