Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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