I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
