I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
