Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
