just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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