There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
