Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
