CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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