Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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