I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
