I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
