I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
How does it feel to date your dad?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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