Just fell off a train. Bad.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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