Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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