So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
