i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
