My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
