Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
